Category: Relationships


Way Mental – Week 4

Filed under: Creativity, Relationships, Self — Leave a comment
11 July 2011

I’m amazed a third of the Way Mental summer is already over.  Incredible!  There really is a lot of shift happening in my Life right now, and I’m excited to see MOVEMENT!  Tomorrow I start my new full-time job, and I can’t help but think that the consciousness of knowing my first day was fast approaching got me taking action on other things in my Life.

For starters, my roommate is out of town, so I decided her absence was an ideal time to use the space of the apartment to pull every single item out of my room (save for furniture) and reset everything exactly they way I want it, ONLY putting back into the room what I need for my time here.  I don’t want there to be any kind of mental or physical clutter in my world anymore – especially working a full-time job – and my room had gotten to an overwhelming place.  How does this happen?!  I don’t have that much stuff!!  I want simplicity and clarity.  If I don’t absolutely love it, I don’t want it.  If I don’t see it as part of my now Life now, or part of the Life I am co-creating for myself, it’s gotta go, and I know there will be some tough decisions.  I want my free time to be filled with relaxation, creativity and fun, not dealing with clutter of any kind – mine or anyone else’s.  I’ve been moderately successful with this venture so far, but Diane doesn’t come home for another 9 days, so there’s still time to get through all that’s left.

In addition to the new job tomorrow, I’m starting 30 days of living foods/raw food eating with two friends of mine.  I’ve been through this raw food thing before, so I know what to expect and how it all shimmies down.  I also know resetting my food intake to raw foods only will have a clutter-clearing effect on my digestive tract and my gut.  Yeah!  Sing with me now: “I am letting go of the things that no longer serve me…”

This week I also started a new exercise thing which is seriously kicking my ass (more on that in another blog entry).  I’ve noticed it’s helped me get into a quasi-normal sleeping pattern, albeit one that is still skewed to a late-to-bed-late-to-rise cycle.  I’m sleeping more deeply and feeling more rested.  Just gotta shift the time block a little bit.

I did GREAT with my morning pages this week (every day!) and my Mental Muscle “Patience” directive.  I can honestly say I’m a very patient person, and that the one thing that tends to make me lose it are those who are unaware of the world around them, and I typically encounter these people while driving.  I had a fantastic time finishing up my performances in a play in which I was an understudy, and am very pleased with the work I did.  However, I still did not get to my Artist Date.  I think I’ve done one “official” artist date since I started this thing.  Not a great success rate.  In a relationship book I’m reading (another aspect of Way Mental summer!), the author speaks of noticing how we treat ourselves as insight to how others show up in our lives and treat us.  Well, crap.  I can’t even take time to take myself out for a date once a week.  This may explain the relative non-existence of my dating life.  All part of the shift, though.

Way Mental summer continues next week with “Recovering a Sense of Possibility” with Artist’s Way, and a hum-dinger of a Mental Muscle week:  Listen/Resolve (also referred to as No Procrastination week), where we are directed to leave nothing unresolved at any moment.  Gonna be a busy week.

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Dreaming It

Filed under: Creativity, Health, Life-n-stuff, Money, Relationships, Self — Leave a comment
7 July 2011

In the Artist’s Way course, Julia Cameron has us doing affirmations out the wazoo.  I’m on board with this practice, actually.  I lurve affirmations, and when I get stuck in the morning pages, I always know I can write affirmations for as long as I want until the next astonishing thought reveals itself.  Early in the book, Cameron provides a set of starter affirmations to use, one of which is “My dreams come from God, and God has the power to accomplish them.”  While I enjoy that, I decided to tweak the first part, so for me it reads: “My dreams are God’s dreams, and God has the power to accomplish them.”  If I may say so myself, and I’m about to, that is an incredibly powerful statement.  I was using this affirmation yesterday and felt a remarkable shift – mentally, spiritually, even physically.

I mean… think about it.  Seriously.  Are we so egotistical to think that the most brilliant idea or dream we may have hasn’t already been conceived by the INFINITE INTELLIGENCE?!   Or that any idea from anyone, anywhere, throughout time didn’t already exist before they thought it?  Let’s use Einstein’s “E=mc2” energy equation as a point of reference.  It’s well known.  It’s commonly accepted.  As spectacular as this theory is, do you really think that equation didn’t come into play when, say, the Universe was created?  That once Einstein published it, God was thinking, “Son of a bitch!  Wish I’d thought of that.”  Are we really willing to say, “Yeah well… there’s Infinite Intelligence/Source/God, whatever, you know… yeah, it created the Universe and stuff… but my three-pound brain came up with this OTHER, separate idea that’s totes awesome!”  Really? REALLY????

So along those lines, if my dreams are God’s dreams, who am I to (a) resist their demonstration in my experience or (b) presume I have a better system or better set of resources for accomplishing them?  I don’t normally like to get caught up in ‘why’ questions, but I suppose I want to prove a point here.  Why would any of us stand in the way of the Power that created EVERYTHING wanting to co-create our lives with us?!  Why would I think I couldn’t do this or that thing to accomplish a dream or goal that is simply God wanting to express through me?  And why would I think I have a better set of contacts or connections or encyclopedias or internet links or factories to bring those dreams to fruition than the very Source Power that created all of those things?  And with that, why would I let ANYONE outside of my Self tell me I should adjust or rethink or let go of my dreams or goals?  Do they know better than Infinite Intelligence?  What do you think?

My dreams are God’s dreams, and God has the power to accomplish them.  Sweet.  Sign me up.  If God can create… you know… all of time and space and Life and perfection and beauty and Love (and then some), it’s a not a big stretch to think God – working for me by working through me and AS me – can sell a television show.  And whip this body into shape.  And enjoy loving relationships with friends, family and a perfect partner.  And have a sweet abode near the beach.  And start a new company.  And drive a black BMW 650i convertible.  And travel the world in style and comfort.  And be financially independent.  And… and… and… and… and…

There is a power for Good in the Universe, and I can use it – consciously, fearlessly and RIGHT NOW!  Who’s with me?

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Still Learning

Filed under: Work/career colleagues — 2 Comments
6 July 2011

Next Monday, I start a new full-time job.  Woot!

My Mind has been all over the place with this job.  I’m really quite excited about the steady paycheck, and I’ll be working at the New Thought spiritual center where I’ve learned and grown so much over the past two years.  Still, it’s a major shift from Life as I’ve known it for the past 14 years – switching from working as a freelance/independent contractor to being a staff employee.  (I’m not counting my unfortunate 6-month stint at a Minneapolis network affiliate, although as I write this, I’m realizing I clearly have some residual heat around that experience that needs extraction.  Great.  More work to do.)

Anyhoozits, while there is an extensive list of PLUS items around the new position, I still found myself feeling… something… about it.  Trepidation isn’t the right word.  Resistance doesn’t seem accurate.   One friend asked if maybe I was having doubts.  I told him I didn’t believe that was the right word either.  A soon-to-be-minister friend of mine provided a quote from another minister, Reverend David Leonard that reads:  “We are not afraid of the unknown.  We are afraid of letting go of the known.” Aaaaah.  That shed some light on things for me.  I think what I’ve been feeling is a loss of sorts – grief over having to let go of the idea of how I thought my path would unfold.

There are a few interesting things about this for me.  First of all, my path and my goals are ever-evolving, even to this day.  Writing, performing, coaching, living in Los Angeles – it’s all in the mix for now, but I can’t say that was entirely the case even two months ago, especially with performing.  My ideas around my writing and producing career have undergone transformation in the past year or so.  Coaching has long-intrigued me, and it seems to keep coming back to me in different ways, so I’m clear that’s part of the equation as well.  But who knows what else may pop up?  I’m no longer interested in limiting my options about anything.  Maybe I’ll become a minister.  Maybe I’ll train dolphins.  Be a raw food chef.  Do porn in space.  I’m Unlimited, baby!

Next, this fabulous path I see myself diverging from by taking this job hasn’t exactly been rainbows and unicorns lately, so where’s the big loss?  In fact, parts of the path didn’t really exist, so what was I mourning the loss of?  An idea?  An ideology about how I would get from point A to point B in my entertainment industry career?  Oops.  That’s a no-no in MetaphysicsLand.  I mean… Science of Mind, The Secret, Napoleon Hill, Wayne Dyer, Abraham-Hicks, Kabbalah… pick whichever one works for you and they’re all pretty clear that we don’t need to concern ourselves with the “how” because it’s way too limiting.  Mike Dooley calls them the “cursed hows.”  Science of Mind calls it outlining.  Telling God, Source, Light, Abraham, or whatever HOW I want this or that to happen?!  As if my own individualized Mind has more knowledge or resources than Infinite Intelligence.  Sure!  OK!  I’ll let y’all know how that works for me.

With all of my spiritual studies, I was surprised I still got caught thinking I knew a better way.  I’m still learning to get my ego out of the way.  It’s so much easier to get out of Spirit’s way and let it do it’s thang.  My Big Picture plan still exists, but the Universe has another route in Mind to get me there.  Perfect!!  I’m in.  Let’s do this!

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Equal to It All

Filed under: Life-n-stuff, Relationships, Self — Leave a comment
28 June 2011

When wonderful things happen in Life, it’s fantastic to be in the knowing place of, “Hellz yeah!  I’m equal to that!  Of course that happened, because I’m amaze-ballz!”  The barista gave me free coffee – yeah she did!  That cute guy called for another date?  Mm hmm.  Roles in three productions without having to audition?  Totes.  New job offer?  Check.  TV show bought by ABC?  Awesome.  I just won the lottery?  Well yeah, that too!  Bring it on!  Git it.  BOOM!

And then… there are the things that suck.  Yes, yes.  Those who know me know I’m very much in the headspace these days of NOT labeling experiences as good or bad, but rather acknowledging that it’s all simply evolution.  Still… things happen, right?  Logically, we must be equal to these, uh, ‘less-than-ideal’ experiences too, right?  It’s not exactly a picnic to admit it, but why else would we be having them?  If we’re powerful enough to attract the new job, the new romance, the new BMW 650i convertible (black, please), surely that same consciousness is what’s attracting the frustrating financial situation, the neurotic dog, the family stress, the friendship that’s no longer, the group that has excluded you, and so on.  The Power of our Minds is truly fascinating.

If we’re not standing in the Truth of who we are in every moment, we can really get derailed when ‘bad things happen,’ even if only temporarily.  It’s like a sucker punch, and all the air is knocked out of us.  What’s important is to catch a breath and recognize the gift in these moments.  Yeah, even the moments that bite.  What can we learn from said sucker punch?  And are we willing to examine it without judgment – of ourselves, of the puncher, of the outcome – so we can expand and evolve?  Aaaah.  Breathe deep.

Yes, I feel like I’ve been punched lately.  Maybe even feel beaten up a bit.  (It all sounds so dramatic.)  But it’s getting easier to look at it all and know, lovingly, “I am equal to this.  I can learn.  There’s a gift for me in this.  What is it?  What choice do I want to make now?  What do I WANT to be equal to?”  This is the work.

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Grateful

Filed under: Acquaintances, Friends, Life-n-stuff, Relationships, Self, Work/career colleagues — Leave a comment
8 March 2011

Apologies for the month-long gap between entries, y’all.  Not long after my last February entry, I went on a week-long vacation, and since then, I’ve allowed certain circumstances in my life to get the better of me.  But we do our best to learn and move forward, and part of this process is Proving I Am NOT my circumstances.  Let’s trust I’ve learned my lesson.

Speaking of lessons, DAMN!  I sers’ly got skool’d yesterday.  I mean… holy friggin’ God!  I received a phone call that turned into a major test of mettle.  It really was one of those moments when you must ask yourself “what do you really believe here?”  The specific details of the matter are irrelevant, but in a nutshell:  a colleague of mine and I were not seeing eye-to-eye on some recent communications between us.  We were looking at the same situation and having two very different experiences.  I don’t think that’s terribly uncommon — people interpret their reality within the context of their background, experience, or even what may have happened to them that morning at breakfast.  Someone driving down the freeway watching a dramatic, awe-inducing brush fire from a distance is having a very different experience from the person who is watching that same fire destroy their home, and both of them are having a different experience from the exhausted firefighter who just spent 20 hours straight fighting that same blaze.

Anyhoo… my experience of this particular phone conversation was, to say the least, unpleasant.  Content-wise, there were definitely parts of the exchange that made me think, “Hmmm, OK.  I’ll take a look at that.  Noted.”  And afterward, I did take note, and wouldn’t you know, I learned some new stuff about myself.  Sweet!  But there are other, profound lessons that have since been revealed to me as I’ve processed it, and they are PRICELESS.  I’m a little giddy with gratitude for them.

Despite a charged conversation, I never forgot who I was.  My human ego didn’t really make an appearance (that I can recall), and I remained calm.  I was at peace knowing there was nothing I needed to prove.  I stood in my Truth, knowing the impassioned remarks directed my way had nothing to do with me.  (This is a biggie, especially in the midst of personal criticism.)  I was comfortable acknowledging and verbally honoring the validity of this person’s feelings while being in disagreement with their opinions.  And I realized I will always, Always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS treat others with nothing but the utmost personal respect.  I think I’ve been on-track with that last one a long time, but I’m willing to recognize a powerful reminder when I get it.  I trust those close to me will lovingly hold me accountable to that should they discover me off principle there in some way.  I will treat others how I want and deserve to be treated.  There is simply no excuse to do otherwise.

Truthfully, it was only about 10 minutes after the call when it dawned on me how much gratitude I suddenly felt for this person’s appearance in my life — not just yesterday, but for all of our past discussions.

Despite these spectacular a-has, there were still plenty of questions about all of it that were doggin’ me, so I’m also incredibly grateful for the conversations with friends last night who provided much-needed perspective on many levels.  One of them helped drive home how this phone call was a beautiful, Divine gift.  He reminded me how important it is to acknowledge, understand and fully accept into my consciousness the lessons it taught, so that I will never have to go through that experience again, which sounds pretty good to me.  I am also grateful to know that despite heated disagreement, I can authentically hold this person in light, peace and love, knowing they are in the exact right place on their own perfect journey.

Reading this back, it sounds a little “Yeah, I’m totally amazing.”  That goes without saying, of course, right?  But recognizing significant shifts in my consciousness is pretty major.  These shifts are the point of all the work I’m doing, so I’m gonna go ahead and point them out when I notice them.  Thanks for understanding!   =D

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The World I Feel

Filed under: Health, Life-n-stuff, Money, Relationships, Self — Leave a comment
27 January 2011

As part of her Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, Edwene Gaines teaches that we should identify specific, tangible goals.  She calls them Golden Goals – your most important desires.  I’ve had an ongoing list since first seeing Edwene speak in 2009, but after seeing her speak Sunday, I knew mine were due for an overhaul.  It was time to reassess, and to get as clear and specific as possible without writing a book on each goal.  (After all, Edwene also instructs you to read your goals three times every morning and every evening.)

On Tuesday night, I went to see Marianne Williamson give her weekly talk on A Course In Miracles.  I’ve never studied the Course, but I understand what it is at a very basic level.  Spiritually speaking, it has many similarities with what I study and believe, and I love hearing the Truth from a variety of sources.  I also happen to enjoy that Marianne is an intelligent and compelling speaker.  This week was about Lesson #128:  “The world I see holds nothing that I want.”

Well, crap.  Which is it, people?!  How shall or why should I set my goals if the world I see holds nothing I want?  What I’m getting from Marianne is that the physical world – the world of form -  is not where I will find anything that makes me happy, and then I have Edwene telling me that “The more specific you are, the faster your goals manifest.”

What I know is that I am a spiritual being living in a spiritual world governed by my use of the spiritual Law of Cause and Effect.  In the scope of my experience in this physical plane – what I lovingly refer to as “God having an A.J. experience” – these goals on which I’m focused, be they things or experiences, are ephemeral.  They are based in time and space.  God, however, is Eternal, Infinite, and unbound by time and space.

Still… a pimped out new 7 Series BMW would be a sweet ride.  A-ha!  There’s the link, I believe.  What we really want are NOT those things as we know them to exist in this realm, but rather the experience of the feeling that new car, new home, $10 million dollars, healthy relationship or whatever will lead us to.  We want to know peace, happiness, love, joy, abundance, beauty – all things (and more) which we can not see, and which are qualities of God, are they not?  Unity with the Divine is our natural state, and these feelings remind us of that.  And it feels goooooood!

Ah, but the question becomes:  how do we experience this Godliness when we don’t have “the stuff”?  I think that’s where creating the goals and being specific comes in.  The clearer we are on what we want, which is really what God wants to experience through us and as us, the easier it is to tap into the feeling we believe that thing or experience will provide.  Each detail unlocks more of the feeling, intensifying it.  In my goal setting work, I’m even going so far as to identify what I believe each goal will make me feel.

When we live from those feelings, we are living as God, and “the stuff” manifests.

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Forgiveness

Filed under: Life-n-stuff, Money, Relationships — 2 Comments
25 January 2011

This is a biggie, y’all.  Forgiveness is one of the most powerful and healing things we can do as spiritual and Divinely human beings.  It’s also connected directly to our abundance and prosperity with regard to money, love, relationships, health and work.  Oh yeah, it runs through everything.

Forgiveness is a popular topic among spiritual thinkers, especially as it pertains to money and prosperity.  I’ve heard Marianne Williamson lecture about how ANY financial debt or adverse financial situation you may be facing is the result of forgiveness work you need to do – and it’s usually your own self that needs your forgiveness.  Along those same lines, Edwene Gaines says that “Debt is a socially acceptable form of self-punishment.”  Yeouch.  You know… both of these brilliant women are doing pretty well financially, so I’m paying attention.

I’ve made forgiveness work part of my daily spiritual practice.  In fact, it is part of my personal “$10 Million Dollar Project” directives.  There are countless forgiveness techniques you can use.  I’ve taken a cue from one of Ms. Gaines’ techniques.  At the end of each day I ask myself, “Have I put anyone outside of my heart today?”  The answer is usually yes, because at the very least, it’s likely I’ve beaten my own self up for something ridiculous.  I breathe deeply, forgive unconditionally, and invite those I’ve put outside of my heart back in.  I usually cap it off by forgiving myself for everything I have ever done wrong in my entire life (or, to be clearer, those things I’ve labeled as “wrong”).  It is powerful work.

Another forgiveness technique I’d love to share is one I found online:

Get into a meditative state of mind (calm, relaxed and peaceful) and think about the person or situation that is bothering you. Ask your soul for a symbol for the relationship or the event. Play with the symbol or image that you receive. If it’s dark, add light to it. If it’s closed, open it up. Working with things as energy is very powerful for as you transform the symbol, you transform the relationship or event as well. This is one of those techniques that is very effective, but I have no idea how or why this works. You can use this same technique when you want to resolve a problem or when you just want to get in touch with your inner guidance.

I’ve been using this a few days, and I absolutely love it!  I’m also planning a larger forgiveness ceremony where I review the phases of my life from childhood, through adolescence and young adulthood, to where I am today, and find out where I need to forgive.  I already know… there’s a list.  With each act of forgiveness, I create more space for my Good to enter in and fill me up.

My pastor just sent me this quote:  “What do you need to forgive?  Who do you need to forgive?  Start with YOURSELF, then continue onward, until there is nothing and no one left to forgive.  And then… watch what happens!”  Sounds like a great plan!

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Clarity

Filed under: Dating/romantic, Life-n-stuff, Self — Leave a comment
13 January 2011

I had a class assignment this week to make a list of all my fears.  Good times.

In my Life, I’m no longer interested in giving thought or energy to anything around which I might have fear, but I knew the point of the exercise was to look at the fears (without staring, because that’s just rude), and to ask what there is to be learned from them.  A few weeks ago, my teacher, Keith, suggested we reframe those things of which we may be fearful and start calling them “the unknown.”  Yeah, that’s cool.  That resonated with me.

So when we got to me in class last night, I brought up the romantic partner issue and the fear of being alone for the rest of my life.  Now, I really don’t believe this will happen – in fact, I KNOW this won’t be the case – but the fear does cross my mind on occasion, and the assignment was to list all the fears we could think of.  Anyhoo, Keith eventually asked me:  “So what do you want in a partner?” and I was speechless.  Oh, I have a list, believe me.  And in the silence after Keith’s question, that list was scrolling through my mind like movie credits on TBS – impossible to read and latch onto anything.

Keith put me out of my misery eventually and said, “You should be able to answer that question like THAT,” snapping for emphasis.  Makes sense.  I think I’m clear, but maybe… not so much.  Actually, there is no “maybe,” because in terms of my romantic life, “not so much” is exactly what I have created.  Keith thoughtfully shared his own list:  a partner with whom he can share physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, sexual and metaphysical intimacy.  Incredible.

I am ready and willing to have clarity for myself in this area.  I’m grateful for the rest of what Keith went on to say:  “What are you willing to give and bring to a relationship?  What qualities do you want to experience in life?  The spiritual Truth around this matter is that you are one with the Power that transcends all conditions and is Cause to every experience.  So by means of your being one with that, you’re going to consciously attract into your world a partner that will magnify what you bring to the world.”

Proving I Am:  Divine Love.

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Relationships

Filed under: Acquaintances, Dating/romantic, Family, Friends, Relationships, Self, Work/career colleagues — 2 Comments
4 January 2011

This is a biggie, right?  The relationships we have and cultivate add color, variety and spice to our lives.  As I continue Proving I Am, there are many different types of relationships to explore:  those with family, friends, work/career colleagues, acquaintances (who I define as people I KNOW, but I’m not really friends with, but who are a part of my life in some way that is typically not work-related) and dating/relationship-type peeps.  For now, a quick overview.   (Insofar as my relationship to my Self, well… that’s pretty much what this entire blog is about, but it’ll be explored in more detail in the “Self Talk” blogs.)

My family is amazing to an extent which practically defies description.  I’m close to my family, and I love seeing our evolution as a unit and as individuals.  Still, I know there are areas I can improve upon to become a better son, brother, uncle, cousin, nephew, etc.  There are also aspects of my family life which would benefit from a shift in MY beliefs/experience of them.

My friends astonish and amaze me every single day, and I have such a range from which to choose!  Young and old, male and female, rich and poor (not that we get hung up on those silly labels), gay and straight (and in between… you know who you are!), black and white and purple and green and blue, and from all walks of life.  I am truly blessed and grateful.  I expect to continue having incredible relationships that grow deeper and more loving as time goes on.  This area is also about understanding when a friendship is going to continue evolving and expanding, and when it is time to let go.

Acquaintances and work/career colleagues are another interesting bunch.  So much of this practice is about understanding my relationship and experience of ALL the people in my life.  I know I attract ONLY people and colleagues who reflect where I am creatively, energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc.  Those who show up in my experience and leave me with a big “WTF?” over my head are likely those who can teach me the most about myself – who I am, want to be, or don’t want to be.

And then there are people I meet for dating, flirting, courting, relationships, sex, etc.  Yeah, I said it.  Sex is another way our spiritual selves have some fun in this realm, so I see no reason why I shouldn’t have as much abundance in this area as in health, prosperity, love, creativity and so on.  Let’s talk about sex, people!  I’ll spare y’all the intimate details, unless they’re completely relevant, of course.  Clearly, this will be the relationship category that will provide the most amusement, as it tends to have the most room for… um… exploration, let’s say.  Just as in every other area, I expect these relationships to be healthy, sane, happy, fun, adventurous and ever-evolving.  The added bonuses of dating, romantic and sexual relationships probably need no further explanation here.  :-)

As I wrote this, it occurred to me that my relationship to the rest of the world is also relevant here – how I live and act in the various communities of which I am a part: Los Angeles, the entertainment industry, New Thought thinkers, coaches/educators, gay men, etc.  There’s also my relationship to the larger world, geographically speaking, as both a U.S. citizen and a global citizen.

So yeah… I Am healthy, happy, loving relationships.  As I learn more, I’ll share more.  Lots to prove here!

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