Proving I Am

I’m pretty sure I just invented that word.  “VORTEXTING” © 2011 A.J. Nowak

There.  Now whenever you use it, you have to send me a check.  Yeah!  My abundance comes from all over the place!

So… seven or eight years ago, my sister Caroline introduced me to Esther (and her husband Jerry) Hicks’ book Ask and It Is Given.  Since then I’ve gone on to read several other books by the Abraham-Hicks writing team.  Once you get past the idea of Esther intuiting what she defines as a soul collective known as Abraham, the message she is/they are communicating is quite deep:  that we exist simultaneously as both physical and non-Physical beings, and that our only job in this realm is to align the two at all times.  In my Mind, there is no separation – the alignment of our individualized, physical selves and our Source Energy, non-Physical selves is always perfect.  However, our conscious awareness of the alignment is where the work needs to be done.  Splitting hairs, perhaps, but that works for me.

I have had the Abraham-Hicks book “The Vortex” since my sister (Caroline again) gifted it to me two Christmases ago.  It took me this long to get to it, but I really believe the language and ideas within it have come to me at the exact right time, and have helped me reframe my mindset around how I’m co-creating this inspired Life.  Hicks defines The Vortex as “where the Law of Attraction assembles all cooperative relationships.”  According to Esther, when I ask for something, it is immediately created, energetically and vibrationally speaking, in the Vortex.  Various dictionary definitions of ‘vortex’ all refer to physical mass – fire, water, wind, etc.  Whirling is also involved.

All of this actually makes sense to me.  I conceptualize the Vortex as the energy of knowing with absolute certainty that my Word is the Law of my Life.  I speak it, and it is done.  I ask and it is given.  I express gratitude because I know what I’m asking is already done.  Everything I want or need or require exists vibrationally in the Vortex, and as I understand more and more how these metaphysical laws work, my energy of knowing gets bigger and stronger, and the reality of my Life looks more and more like the reality I choose to co-create with Spirit.

So… vortexting.  (Ka-ching!)  I think The Vortex has been given adequate attention for now.  So the back half of my new metaphysical creativity tool could be derived from either ‘context’ or ‘texting,’ or both.  Context is defined as “the set of circumstances or facts that surround a particular event, situation, etc.”  Texting is a modern method of communicating.  So as I see it, when I’m vortexting, I am communicating to myself and the world the Reality I want to be experiencing in my Life, and my energy of knowing is whirling my world into an even more fantastic experience of co-creation.

Vortexting.  Get some!

The Artist’s Way exercises this week were fantastic!  It’s fun coming up with additional lives I’d like to lead (more like other roles to play in Life), and then pondering how I can bring elements of those lives into my experience now.  There was a task of listing 10 Tiny Changes we’d like to make for ourselves.  The author suggests picking one and make it a goal for the week, and doing it.  Mission accomplished!  Woot!  Amazing how even small choices/changes like these will have an impact.  It’s about keeping the promises we make to ourselves.  There was also the exercise of coming up with twenty things I enjoy doing, which Julia Cameron notes is an excellent resource for artist dates.  I’m so excited to know I can now officially include sex as part of my creative reawakening.  Truth be told, I can’t recall anyone telling me this wasn’t an option, but clearly at some point something outside of my Self led me to believe otherwise.  Silliness.  I’m quite willing to take full advantage of this revelation.  Oh wait… artists dates have to be alone.  There goes that.  (Side note: I still have one holdover task from Week 1 I want to complete!  Blurg!  I’ll get there.)

I missed one day of journaling this week, but that’s still an improvement over last week.  It really is astonishing how productive and powerful the journaling is.  I have yet to find any kind of program for self-improvement – be it mind, body, finances, career or whatever – that does not include journaling as a useful tool for change.  I love it.

I did not, however, really have an Artist Date this week.  What gives?  Yeah, I had some ‘stuff’ come up this week, but there should really be no reason not to honor myself and the process I’ve consciously chosen for my own expansion and evolution.  I’ve done a lot of great work this past week, and believe it or not, I can actually feel a difference in my world already.  A powerful shift has begun, even through some emotional turbulence this week.  So maybe I need to have two artist dates this week.  OK.  Onward we go, always.

As usual, some curious beliefs bubbled to the surface at a ratio of about 50:50 in terms of those that serve me and those that do not.  I thought by now it’d be weighted more heavily in favor of the former, but I’m willing to do the work and make the change.  The best part of Belief week is how much more conscientious it makes me about noticing how my beliefs are affecting my experience and choices – often in the midst of having the experience itself.  So cool.  A friend also reminded me that no matter what we choose, another choice can always be made.

Next week:  “Artist’s Way is Rediscovering a Sense of Power,” and Mental Muscle directive is “Be Present.”  Should be fun!!

As part of “Belief” week in my Way Mental summer, there is a directive to daily write down one thing I believe for certain.  I’m then supposed to ask where the belief came from, why I have this belief, and how it is serving me.  If, after careful consideration, I determine it’s really not serving my highest good, the instructions are to replace it with a new belief that will work for me.

I’m amazed at the beliefs that bubble to the surface whenever I do this exercise (having done “Mental Muscle” three times at this point).  It’s fascinating what comes up when I quiet my Mind as ask this belief question each morning during journaling.  I’ve learned not to shush the first thing that comes up, trusting whatever it is will lead me to what I need to know for the time being.  I think it will be about romantic relationships, but it’s about money.  OK.  I think it will be about work and creativity, but what comes to Mind first is about my dog.  Wild.  I’m sure all the ideas are connected in some cosmic way anyway, so why question it?  I’m willing to let it flow.

There is a sense of relinquishing ‘control’ and trusting the Universe to know what I need to know right now.  I’m getting more and more used to Trusting the first thing that comes to Mind.  I recently was faced with a challenging, emotional decision about money.  Actually, the situation began more than two months ago, but at the time, I was too afraid to listen to what every fiber of my being was telling me.  While I don’t believe my decision at that time was ‘wrong’ – these days, I’m much less inclined to label things as good or bad, as it’s much easier to learn from them when there is no heat or judgment around them – it was definitely not the decision my heart and soul felt (KNEW) I should make.  I wasn’t willing to Trust my intuition.  I mean… yikes!  Is our intuition not a direct connection to the Divine?  To Source Energy?  Creativity?  Love?  IT IS!!  The second I made a new choice around this money situation, it was like a building had been lifted off of me.  Freedom and peace.

So I’ve been reaffirming a willingness to Trust in that which is leading me, and to where it is leading.  Change starts with willingness!

This seems as good a place as any to start again, right?  Thankfully, we have the freedom and volition to start again in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT if we wish.

Last week, I began a 12-week course of focused change that is a combination of Julia Cameron’s “Artist’s Way” program and James Mellon’s “Mental Muscle” bootcamp.  My brilliant friend Annabeth came up with the moniker “Way Mental Summer,” and it is perfect!  I decided on this course of action because I knew it was time for some drastic change in my Life.  Looking at my Life, it is clear what I’ve been doing (or not) isn’t really serving me, and I know I am the only person with the power to change my circumstances.  Annabeth chose to work through this process as well.

The first Way Mental week was a lot of catch-up reading and work since we kinda decided and agreed to undertake this thing at the last minute.  Even though the first week would be front loaded pretty heavily, it was the perfect week to start because from last week, 12 weeks takes us exactly to the unofficial end of summer, Labor Day weekend.

Week 1 was about Rediscovering a Sense of Safety (AW – Artist’s Way) and Expectations (MM – Mental Muscle).  My morning pages routine was fair … I missed two days.  I did my artist date, so that’s good.  I have to play a little catch-up on the exercises form AW-Week 1, though.  Reporting back on how I do next week.  The MM directive was about examining your expectations:  setting them each morning and assessing how they played out each evening.  What expectations have we set for ourselves?  What expectations have others set for us?

Last week was different for me in so many ways.  New activities, new opportunities, new stresses (and a few old stresses revisiting briefly).

Monday:  I had a test for which I spent the day studying.

Tuesday:  Job interview.

Wednesday:  Offered the job, and was contacted about an additional freelance writing job within minutes of the first offer.

Thursday:  Shot a web series during the day (as an actor).  In the evening, had my one and only put-in rehearsal for the play in which I am understudying two roles.

Friday:  Recovered from Thursday.

Saturday:  Rehearsal (in my head and my living room) during the day, then performing that night.

Sunday:  Service in the morning, headshots in the afternoon, and scriptwriting for the freelance gig in the evening.

Those are the highlights.  The week was a bit all over the place experientially and emotionally.  The job offer is for a full-time position.  I know it will be incredible, but at the same time am feeling some loss over the freelance/independent/leisure/slacker life I have experienced for many years.  Plus, what does that mean for the writing, filmmaking, performing and coaching work I want… um, EXPECT to be doing.  Expect to be doing?  Trust me, examining whether that’s a period or a question mark is a big thing in my Mind right now.  So… lots of questioning and deep breathing going on.

Today, I began Week 2 of the Way Mental Summer:  Recovering a Sense of Identity (AW) and Belief (MM).  Should be an interesting combination to examine these two things in tandem, given how easily our identities are wrapped up in our Beliefs.